Navigating Turning Thirty

I’ve been going through a period of major self-reflection and work over the last few months, and the main thing I’ve come to realise is that I have a massive lack of self-confidence. If you asked anyone that knew me, they’d disagree with this and say that I am a confident person. However, I’d say this has been a mask for as long as I can remember. I act how I think people to expect me to act, and I’ve learned how to do this by copying other people over many, many years. Because of this, I’m struggling to work out exactly who I am. I think the reason I copy other people’s behaviour is because I do not have the self-confidence to be myself. I’ve been doing this subconsciously for my entire life and it’s only a very recent realisation as to the fact I even do this.

One thing I’ve always known about myself is that I really easily take on other people’s accents and way of talking when interacting with them. I never thought much of this but I’m now realising that this is just an example of me mirroring other people. Because I do this automatically, I think it shows how deep a habit I have of adapting to fit to what others expect.

I’ve no idea why I’ve ended up this way or why it’s taken me nearly 30 years to figure this out, but I’m grateful to have taken the first step towards becoming exactly the person I really am.